JOKE

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

SONG

CRAIG DAVID-SEVEN DAYS (Desi styleeee Endz Remix)

On my way to see my friends

To go to Southall for a cup of tea

As I walked through the subway

It must have been about a quarter past three

In front of me stood a Rasmalai with a body to die for

She asked me for my caste

Said Hindu-Punjabi

She said Gujurati

And asked her for her family's name

Did she decline? No

Didn't she mind? She came from Hounslow!

What was the name? Damn Shah

Did she look game? She couldn't resist a Doctor

So was she keen? She gave me a note

Masala queen? Straight off the boat

What did she say? She said she'd love to

At a rendez-vous, once our parents knew wasn't going to be

Long til the arranged wedding do

I met this chick on Monday

Saw her family on Tuesday

We were taking vows on Wednesday

She cooked Thursday and Friday and Saturday

And cleaned on a Sunday

I couldn't bump'n'grind with my growing waistline

Cos she be cookin fine

Good housewife she told me she'd makes rotis for me all

night long

Ooh, I loved the dough she mixed it

From her hands to the stove she flipped it

And I, oh I yeah, hope that she cares about her looks

Cos her sister's more fair

I'm not a man to play around baby, ooh yeah

Cos I'm pot-bellied and losing my hair

From the first impression you don't seem to be like that

But you need some wax for a growing tache

And your thighs are getting fat

And from Hounslow to Harrow

Endless nagging on my phone

Cos our families want to know

If they can hire out a leisure centre sports hall

Chorus

Since I met this Asian lady, ooh yeah

I've been under her thumb

I still haven't kissed her

But I'd love to shag her sister

Oh I wish I'd waited one more weekend